Ep. 23: How Your Past Affects You Now
Hello, hello hello – what is going on today?
I got a great workout in this morning and it’s so ironic – the instructor said – today is the day you write a new chapter… and this is what I want to talk to you about in this episode!
From my perspective, this is a game changing concept, and I can’t wait to share with you.
It was for me – and I hope you for you as well.
Today, I want to talk about your past,
how it is over,
how it may be influencing your current life – including your over drinking or overeating, and
how you can actually change it.
Yes – keep listening and I will tell you how to change your past.. such fun.
Now, I always tell you guys how I’ve used – or currently use, the tools I share here, and today I will be share examples of how my coach recently pushed me with these ideas.
I will tell you, I previously did the work to change some things in my past, but most recently – I wasn’t even aware of how my story was influencing my current life –
it took my coaches to point it out to me from and outside perspective and it was like – ohhh… now I see it..lol..
That is the beauty of doing this work one on one with a coach.
So first, I want to check in and ask
how often do you think of your past?
You know – like I was just saying – the fascinating thing is – a lot of times we are not even aware of some of the thoughts we have about our past –
we just mindlessly go through life on autopilot thinking life just happens to us.
But really, what is going on, is we hold these thoughts so true to us, that, we don’t even realize how much they influence our life.
Here’s the thing you guys –
the past is over.
No kidding you might say.
Ok, fair enough..lol.. But then my next question is – how often do you tell a story about how the past made you who you are today?
And is the story you tell a good one?
I am going to suggest – your past no longer affects you.
I might have some head tilts here…
like what is she saying?
You heard me correctly – your past does not affect you in this moment.
You know what does?
Your thoughts about your past.
Seriously.. I want you to stay with me here – because for some of you, you may think about something in your past that actually causes you to over drink, or over eat.
Because here’s what happens – you want to escape whatever the feelings are that come up from your past and head to the alcohol or food as a way to cope.
And honestly, when I say past – it could be any time frame – from like childhood to yesterday.
Your past only exists in your mind.
Consider this – I could tell you a story about my past that says something like – I was such an amazing sister – when my little brother wanted to play with me, well sometimes I would let him, but sometimes I preferred to be with my friends playing teacher.
Now he would tell the story something like – every time I would run down the hall to play with her and her friends she would slam the door in my face…hahaha.. true story.
So your past exists in your mind,
with your thoughts,
and how you tell your story.
Now remember – all thoughts are optional.
People – this is the truth – listen up – you get to think
whatever you want.
We have this amazing brain, yet we hardly use it to it’s fullest capacity.
Let’s start working on programming it in a way that makes our lives amazing ok?
Now some thoughts – or beliefs – from our past are good ones to hold on to –
like I was told as a kid to look both ways before I cross the street…lol..
I’m going to continue to hold on to that one.
I was also told, and believe, it is important to brush my teeth and shower –
again, I’ll keep both of those.
But some of us, also have thoughts like –
I could never be that rich, or
making too much money means you are greedy,
or it’s always more fun to drink, or
I can never lose those last pesky pounds…
these are all optional thoughts.
And pay attention to the results you get in your life when you are thinking like this.
The other thing we often tell in our past story is – how it “should’ve been”.
Like – its should’ve been different or I should’ve been different…
and usually that kind of thinking line causes anxiety – or some sort of negative feeling.
But, What if the past should’ve been exactly as it is?
You know what I ask?
Because it was.
Thinking it should’ve been different is an argument you will never win.
When I stopped arguing with the past, I felt such a sense of relief,
and to be honest
a new sense of empowerment.
OK, I said I would share my latest transformation..
see – all of this work is like layers on an onion.. you keep pealing back as you do it, and get to the really good stuff.
Like, even though I start with most of my one on one clients doing the work to drink less
or even weigh less sometimes…
it typically goes to the next level as they see how much is truly possible in their lives.
So, -for my recent example – I was talking to my coach about how I always thought I should’ve been a mom.
And remember how I mentioned in the beginning of the podcast sometimes you don’t even see how your own thinking influences your life?
Well this is how it was for me –
now I thought I had self coached pretty well on not having kids, and where we are in life – today.
When people ask I would say things to deflect like –
Oh, God knows how crazy I am,
or he didn’t think we should have them,
or it was just not meant to be.
All seemed quite reasonable.
But my coach pushed me to dig into how I tell the story of when we were trying to have kids, and what my thoughts are about it.
My main thought was
I was a failure.
Because again – you guys – my belief was – I should’ve been a mom.
And since I wasn’t, I failed.
This is so good to see.
What if – I was never supposed to me a mom and my thinking was just confused?
Maybe then I wouldn’t choose to think I was a failure right?
And I always tell the story that my job was mainly the cause.
That I couldn’t get the time off for all of the treatment requirements.
That my schedule was too crazy.
And my list went on.
But here’s the thing.
My thought of I’m a failure transferred into other aspects of my life – and I had an underlying blame of my job at the same time.
But the truth is – I stayed in my job at the time.
So telling the story as the victim just left me feeling terrible – and honestly – yes, when we were in it –
well I nursed something – but it was more like my wine! Lol..
See – I can actually chuckle today because I have changed my past in the way I tell my story.
Because here’s the thing – and this is what I encourage you to do this week.
Tell your story the way you want to.
You can be the victim, or the heroine.
So for me – nothing has changed in my past.
but now I can tell you the story like this –
You know, as a little girl I thought I was going to be a cool PTA mom.
Instead I have an amazing life which I never could’ve imagined.
I got married in my 30’s and around the same time I started an unbelievable job with a company, which I never imagined I would do, or even be able to make the money I have, and at the time I choose to step into that opportunity
See the difference already?
I can go on to tell you how I have been able to serve on a board of a foundation that helps children with cancer.
Since we don’t have tuition to save for we are able to help support local businesses and donate to non profits…
and my story could go on
But it is so different from what I used to say…
It feels so much better, and I have to tell you – it really has allowed me to step up and own that I am a professional woman looking to make a difference in this world.
My story isn’t exactly what I originally thought – but guess what – it might be better than I ever imagined.
So, here are some things to consider as you tell your story.
Think of a story you tell from your past where you feel regret.
Write it the first way.
Now go back and tell it again without the feeling of regret.
Like – how was it perfect for you?
Here’s the thing friends.
Your past does not determine your future.
You get to decide what you take from the past,
what serves you as you reach for new goals,
and you get to leave the rest.
When you retell your story as the hero you can be so much more empowered.
And when you are feeling empowered you are much more likely to truly work on creating the life you desire.
Today is not only the day you can start a new chapter – it is also the day you can re-write an old one.
Don’t forget – if you haven’t downloaded the free guide to drink less yet – well what are you waiting for? Lol..
Head over to michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie – when you sign up you get the guide and you are placed on my email list, where you can get other free content throughout the week.
Ok – that’s what I have for you today.
Let’s circle back next week – but for now – make it a great day – take care!