Ep. 16: Love
IN THIS EPISODE:
- Who benefits from unconditional love
- Why self love is not selfish
- Appreciating yourself
Hello my friends! Happy Valentines day! Are you just loving life? Do you all do something special for the holiday? If you have been listening for awhile, or know us you know we don’t really go crazy on the holidays. OMG – do you remember in elementary school when you would make like a little mail box and bring in those little cards that came like 50 in a box? Hahaha.. I have no idea why I just thought of that but for a hot minute I went back to second grade..lol..
Ok – back to the present moment. I want to acknowledge that I love that you are listening. Truly – I keep having more and more people reaching out, asking questions, getting help, and I LOVE it!
Thank you for taking the time – and don’t stop. We are on a mission here to make a difference, and I believe our mental health is so important to doing it.
OK – well you know I am going to go with the possibly cliché topic of love today.. but – as you may have come to expect it will be a little different take – in fact I want to look at a couple different angles – which may be different than what you are used to, so buckle up butter cup..lol.. I’m feeling feisty..lol…
Ok – I want to start with the idea of unconditional love.
Do you know what my first thought is when I think unconditional love?
Yup – you guessed it – my dog of course! Lol..
I was recently looking back on my gratitude journal and had a chuckle for how often I have our dog listed. Not to worry – the hubs is there too..lol..
But – If you are a dog person you get this – we just love our dogs so much – and they for sure, have unconditional love for us.
When people ask if we have kids I tell them no – we have a dog and he won’t grow up to be a resentful teenager..lol.
But truly – dog have no conditions to love us right?
I think as humans we often have conditions on others – like a lot of them. We think we would really love them more if they do what we want them to do, and act like we think they should act – ..lol.
But here comes a new idea –
Imagine your most strained relationship,
And now imagine feeling what you feel for your dog, (or I imagine what you feel for a newborn) – for that person.
Yes, you actually can feel love for the person you currently have the most strained relationship with.
I am going to suggest unconditional love is actually a gift you give yourself, and it makes your life easier, not harder.
Love feels good right?
I mean, If given a choice most of us would choose it, yet we don’t often consciously choose it.
Instead we choose to feel disappointment, or frustration when someone doesn’t meet our expectations.
We create rules that set us up to feel negative emotion.
We act as if their actions, determine our feelings.
This is not how it works –
Our thoughts about their actions cause the negative emotions.
The truth is, you not feeling love, is only hurting you.
You always have the option to love available to you.
Often times clients will tell me they need their spouse or in laws for example to act a certain way for them to “deserve” their love.
Here’s the thing friends – your love for them doesn’t jump into their bodies.
Love is what you experience.
You get to feel love when you love somebody.
Them “not deserving” your love means you aren’t feeling the love.
Jjust as you are the only one feeling the love, you are also the only one feeling the hate.
Sometimes we think “Ill show them”.. and hold out love – but you are really holding out on yourself.
You hold the responsibility to choose which one you want to feel.
I think it would be ridiculously amazing if I felt love for everyone the same way I love my dog.
I know crazy right?
But just imagine how life would change if you started to be open to the idea.
It’s something I still work on but when I consider it it does feel so much better.
OK – the next angle of love I want to discuss..
Oh I might get some eye rolls here – like you don’t have the time to be into self love, or you maybe think that’s a little “woo whoo”..lol.. or even maybe.. even – arrogant.
First off – arrogance usually comes from insecurity, not self love.
Self love is actually the opposite. Let me show you what I mean –
So many women say they want to drink less, and make the changes, but really when it comes down to investing the time and money into getting new results, they get cold feet because they think it would be selfish.
Sometimes it sounds like – I don’t know if I have the time with my work schedule, or the kids have this thing for school – or – maybe in a couple months – always putting others first.
Telling yourself you don’t want to be selfish.
Thinking it is selfish to invest time and/or money into managing your mind.
But let me ask you this – all of you – I want you to her these questions because it may blow your mind –
How much time is your brain being self critical?
How much time are you thinking about how you should not have had that extra wine last night?
How much time are you thinking you need to do something different, so you don’t lose your relationship?
How often are you telling yourself you should not have acted that way, or been so loud at the party?
I can go on…
See – when we are self loathing and self criticial – that is selfish.
Who are you thinking about in those moments?
Yourself! All those thoughts are about you.
Now – I want you to think about a girlfriend you love.
Like really love.
How often are you thinking she should not have said that thing, or acted that way, or any of it?
Not much right?
Maybe you hear a song or see a FB memory and think a nice loving thought about her – but it’s not nearly the brain energy you spend beating yourself up every day.
You just love her.
Imagine being able to manage your mind, reduce the negative self chatter and truly show up as your best self – for your family, for your career, for yourself if you took the time to manage your mind.
There is no downside to you investing in yourself.
I can say this with such certainty my friend because I was there. I said I didn’t’ have the time or the money. But my coach didn’t’ believe me. These were stories I was telling myself because I didn’t know any better.
Honestly, I continue to invest because I see the benefits – in my career, and in my relationships, and in what I am now able to create and put into the world.
I see the benefits in the women I work with who took a chance on themselves and have cut back on their drinking, become more productive and mended relationships… it’s really ok to start loving on yourself a little.
And I like to think this is just the beginning.. there is so much more possible.
Taking the time to manage your mind, and begin loving yourself, truly benefits not only you – but everyone around you.
So this week I want to encourage you to begin looking at how you can appreciate yourself. – I wont even ask you to go right to self love just yet..lol.. this is all a process.
To appreciate is to recognize the full worth of something.
I want to encourage you to begin appreciating yourself.
You know how money appreciates (well, if you invest wisely..lol)?
So do we – when we invest time, money and resources in ourselves, you can literally change the world – especially the world around you.
I’m just suggesting you begin appreciating yourself as much as you appreciate others.
How about this idea – ohh – remember how I talked about the fun little cards we got as kids on Valentines Day?
Well I want you to try this – write yourself a little note each day about what you appreciate about yourself.
It doesn’t have to be a long one – but just something like – Michelle – I appreciate how you stuck to the plan of doing your AKT workout this morning – way to commit.
It’s a little different than a gratitude journal – it’s really a note you write to yourself and save – it will be fun to look back at all the moments you rocked out something amazing right?
OK – that’s what I have for you today.
All we need is love right ..lol.. I’ll spare you the singing for now… sorry if it’s in your ear the rest of the day..lol..
Again – thank you for listening – I really love having you join me each week and can’t wait for us to take this all to the next levels.
Let’s circle back next week – but for now – make it a great day – take care