Ep. 13: Ask Yourself This if You Think You are Drinking too Much
IN THIS EPISODE:
- Do you want to drink less?
- Are you buffering?
- Net Negative effects
- Question everything
Hello hello hello –
How are you today? I am IN IT my friend.
I’m recording this the weekend before it actually launches and we are coming to the close of our quarter end in my corporate job.
For those of you that may not be aware, not only am I a certified life coach, but I also have a background and career in sales.
So when I talk to you about using wine – or even food – as a way to feel better I’m talking from experience – not just blowing smoke up your butt telling you these tools can work – I’ve done them – I still work with them..lol…
So – lots of mind management (and perhaps an Excedrin or two..lol..) as we close it out.
Today I want to talk about some questions to ask yourself if you think you are drinking too much.
Now listen, these tools are not for alcoholics.
I consider myself a highly functional person who was just tired of feeling tired the next day, and really tired of the internal chatter about having more wine than I wanted to.
Since doing this work I feel so much better and I feel like I need to let everyone in on the secret. I know I am not the only one who has felt the regret the next morning and feeling regret holds us back from doing the big work in the world we need to do ladies.
So let’s do this and let’s share it.
I think society has this idea – and marketing – all of it – that just leaves like a stigma around if you want to drink less.
If you take a step back and really think about it – isn’t it kind of ironic – not sure if that is the correct word to use – but its fascinating for sure, that people sometimes think you “have a problem” if you say you want to cut back on drinking.
It’s really not a big deal.
You have wired your brain to desire it, and now you can re wire it.
You know what it’s like?
– It’s similar to Pavlovs dogs.
So you’ve conditioned your brain to want the wine – for example – for me it was around the time of cooking dinner – I would have a glass, and then another.
It’s not like we wake up at 8am and want it.
So since we are the ones that did the conditioning, we can also undo it.
Same idea for those of you maybe grabbing popcorn or ice cream at night when you get your Netflix show on.
You’ve programmed your brain for it.
This is great news you all – if you have learned it, you can unlearn it.
Ok – so for either situation – eating or drinking ask yourself
Are you using it as a buffer?
Often we want to escape feeling our feelings – and let’s face it – it’s not like we have a class growing up that tells us it’s ok to feel shame, embarrassment, disappointment – no, instead we resist it – as if we will die feeling it.
Ever notice how quickly you tell a kid oh don’t feel sad.. it’s ok.
You know what?
It’s also ok to feel sad. Sometimes we want to feel sad. Like when my dogs died. I want to feel sad.
I mean think about this – I think if we are always happy we are considered a sociopath..lol.. I mean really – I don’t want to be happy when my dog dies, and that’s ok.
So when I am asking you if you are using it as a buffer what I mean is, are you using it as an escape from perhaps the parts of the week – or your life – that seem to suck?
The long crazy days at work, the kids that just won’t stop, the partner that doesn’t seem to understand all you do, or certain relationships you just need to make more tolerable.
Are you reaching for the wine to escape all of that?
The next question becomes – do you want to have a life that is only sustainable when you are drinking?
If you are listening to this, my guess is no.
You want something more.
Sometimes my clients think they will be deprived if they aren’t over drinking – or over eating – but really take a moment to question that –
Have you ever considered maybe you are feeling deprived because your current experience with life is not what you truly desire?
See, we think we are entitled to always feel good, positive feelings, and when any feelings of stress, overwhelm, frustration, or anxiety, come along we want to escape them.
We don’t want to have to feel the negative feelings, so we head to the wine bottle.
But the crazy part it is – this doesn’t change the cause of your negative feelings.
Your life still exists as is, and usually you feel more negative feelings the day after, because you really didn’t want to have those last 2 glasses of wine.
I’m not saying you need to stop drinking completely. What I am suggesting is, you want to cut back, become aware of your reasons why, and be willing to feel the discomfort.
Be honest with yourself.
Why do you need alcohol to make your life better – like what are you trying to solve?
Make a list of all the reasons you think you over drink (or over eat).
Now – if I asked you to turn this in, I may see answers like I over drink because of my job, because of my kids, because of my family… all external circumstances.
Now listen – I have great news for you – all of those answers are false.
It’s great news because we cant control external circumstances.
(Lord knows we try, but alas, we are not successful..lol)
You over drink because you have an over desire for the alcohol – which comes from your thinking. This, we can control.
Let’s use the example of if you think your job makes you over drink. I like this one because I used to think this. Now your job is just there. It is very neutral. Until you think about it. Maybe you think your co workers should be on time, maybe you think your co workers should care more, maybe you think you should not have to see your boss as often.. whatever it is – it would be interesting to see what comes up for you.
Now – recognize it’s you thinking those thoughts that causes you the stress which leads to your desire to drink.
The way I know it is my thinking and not facts is because for every thought I have about being on time – at least that one worker doesn’t think it’s important, for the one thought I have about levels of caring – there are plenty of people that don’t agree, and for anytime you think you shouldn’t have to see you boss so often – there will be someone complaining they should see them more. So they are all thoughts.
Which you can control if you want to cut back.
So now the question becomes – and I think my most favorite question for the gals not sure about if they really want to cut back or not is — do you like your reasons for over drinking?
A great way to gauge it is asking yourself if you have a net negative effect.
What I mean is – listen, we all may like a little moderation in life.
So you have a glass of wine and you enjoy a dinner with your girlfriends and you have no negative chatter, no lack of energy the next day, no added lbs.
That seems like 0 net negative effect right?
You do not experience negative effects from the one glass.
But let’s say you wanted to have one glass and you end up drinking the bottle.
Not unheard of my friends.
Now you have all the negative chatter, maybe you see an increase on the scale, or you keep telling yourself how you will never figure this out.
That is for sure a net negative effect.
Doing the work to de condition your desire is what will help you. This is what I do with clients one on one in my customized program. If you haven’t already downloaded the free guide to get started you can go to www.michellebourquecoaching.com/freebie to get it – and you also get on my email list to receive additional free content – such fun!
Most of the time the over drinking – or again – you can insert over eating – is from unconscious programming.
The free guide, and the work we do here begins the process of unlearning the over desire and we are literally re-wiring your brain when we do this work.
It’s so amazing to consider the power you have in creating the life you imagine.
The key is to question everything.
Just because you maybe thought is was normal to over drink on weekends, or that you will not have fun if you cut back, or that you will feel deprived – whatever you are currently thinking – question it.
Next, decide consciously what you want to train your brain to do.
How do you want to think about drinking less? Until this point you have been doing it unconsciously.
Taking the time to ask yourself why, and understanding the truth about your reasons for drinking, will make it much easier for you to cut back.
It doesn’t have to be hard friends – and the pay off is so worth it.
Ok – that’s what I have for you today.
Let’s circle back next week – but for now – make it a great day – take care!